Only Connect
by Nathan Evans
[cw: suggestive sexual imagery and abuse]
Hi
Hello.
Cool profile
Thank you.
How’s u?
Good. You?
I’m good top
*too
Love ur tattoos
Thanks. Any yourself?
Not yet
Wanna get some though
Then you should do.
And piercings
I see you have your ears done.
Yeah
Wanna stretch them
Nice.
Yr dick pierced?
Of course.
Fuck!
Never been with a guy with a piercing
You’ve not lived.
Wld luv to try it
I bet.
How long you had it?
Since I was about the same age as you.
How old u now?
As it says on the profile. And you?
20
A 21st Century Boy.
Ahaha yeah
So what would you want to get pierced then?
Septum
Well I am rather partial to a young man
with a septum ring.
Lol
I might even be tempted
to do it myself.
Would b up for that
Hot.
; )
Stretch it big.
Make you a proper little pig.
Oink
Do those ears while we’re at it.
Big as yrs?
At least.
Please
Where else would u wanna pierce me?
Nipples. Definitely.
That make them more sensitive?
Oh yes.
Especially when they’re nice and heavy.
Mmm yeah
Modified for Sir’s pleasure
Good Boi. Very.
: )
I now have a semi.
Me too
We’ll get a ring through that as well.
Fuck yes!
Sir may mod me as he wishes
Sir may make me his perfect Boi
Thank you, Boi.
What else wd Sir like to do to me?
I see you’ve been
letting yourself get hairy.
Sorry Sir
I like my Bois smooth.
Ok sir
I suppose I’ll have to sort it for you.
I think you will
Might just make your ass smooth too.
Yes SIR!
Does Sir want me smooth all over?
Ever had your head
shaved by a Sir?
Never
I love to see a Boi’s hair fall to the floor.
Horny as
I love shaving a Boi until he shines.
Making him mine.
Can’t wait for Sir to get out his razor
Sir and Boi can b skinheads together
Completely
smoothed for my pleasure.
Completely owned Boi
Exactly how I wannabe
Exactly how you ARE, Boi.
Keep me this way
I have no say
Your hair is yours no longer.
Show me who’s boss
Show me my place as ur sub
Gonna shave you beautiful.
Eyebrows?
Eyebrows would be weird. Those
you can keep. And your beard.
Love the idea of tatts too
Then let’s get you tattooed.
My appearance controlled
What/where would they be?
Sir can decide for me
Somewhere public
Masters marked object
Or somewhere humiliating
?
Humiliation isn’t my thing.
K
Sorry.
It’s fine
Doesn’t have to b humiliating
Why would you want to be
humiliated anyway?
Dunno
Just a fetish
Never thought about it
Right.
Why’d u wanna shave my head?
Fair point.
But humiliation is different.
If u say so
Were you never bullied at school?
Not really
Nothing bad anyway
Maybe times HAVE changed.
Yeah
Still there?
Sir?
I was in the changing room at the swimming
pool recently. There was a group of boys in.
They were about ten or eleven, I would say.
Then one of them asks me, ‘Are you gay?’
Ok…
It’s a long time since I hid it from anyone,
so I tell him I am. And before you know it,
they’re all shouting, ‘He’s a rapist.
Don’t go near him.’
Wow
At first, I try to reason. Educate them.
‘Do you even know what that means?’
Prob not
That just makes matters worse, of course.
They start taking the piss out of my voice.
Little shits
So then I ignore them. Get dressed as
quickly
as I can. But inside I’m ten and back in the
playground, being humiliated all over
again.
And by the time I’m leaving, the boldest
of them—the one who asked the question —
is squaring up to me in the doorway,
asking again and again, ‘Are you really
gay?’
Like he can’t believe I would admit
to a thing of which I should be so
ashamed.
And I want to hit him. But I can’t. He’s ten.
By the time I get to reception to say
something I burst out crying.
I’m forty-one.
So that’s why I can’t do humiliation.
I’m sorry that happened
Still there then.
I wld’ve give them a good kick
They were just kids.
Their parents, on the other hand…
I think u gotta own it?
Own what?
Humiliation
Yeah I’m a faggot
And I like it
All that shit you wanna hurt me with?
I get off on it
So it’s cathartic?
What’s that?
Releasing repressed emotions
in order to relieve them.
Ok
Like in the theatre.
You an actor?
Not anymore.
But you were?
I’ve trodden some boards.
So fetish is like playing a part I guess
U become someone else
Something else
Okay.
I suppose they’re both a sort of ‘play’.
U know you watch porn
and the acting sometimes
It’s so bad it’s funny
U got to get into it
Suspend your disbelief?
Same with fetish
You give control to someone else
Everything’s more intense
Pain pleasure
Like u got no borders
Like ur part of each other
You should write poetry.
Fetish is just fantasy
I mean you really gonna shave me?
Possibly.
(still could btw)
Good to know, Boi.
; )
You see, I understand transformation:
that’s about enhancing, not degrading.
Stop thinking so much
bout everything
Meant to be fun
You know, Boi, I think we have things
we could teach each other.
: )
Fancy a drink?
Sure
Sir
Where?
In a bar.
Meet. Chat. Connect.
Alright
When?
Carpe diem.
?
Seize the day.
Or night, in this case.
It’s Latin.
Sir is a fountain of wisdom
Cheeky fucker.
; p
What are you doing later?
Meeting you Sir
Good Boi. Great.
You know, you’re very cute.
Thx
Sir is v handsome
By the way, what’s your name?
Nathan is a writer, director and performer based in London whose work has been funded by Arts Council England, toured with the British Council, archived in the British Film Institute, broadcast on Channel 4 and presented at venues including The Royal Court, The Royal Festival Hall and The Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Publishers of his poetry include Dead Ink and Manchester Metropolitan University. His collection, Threads, was long-listed for the Polari First Book Prize, his second collection CNUT is published by Inkandescent. In 2020, he has been long-listed for the Live Canon Poetry Competition and two of his stories have been published in Untitled: Voices.
Find him on twitter @nathanevansarts and at his website www.nathanevans.co.uk