Only Connect

by Nathan Evans

[cw: suggestive sexual imagery and abuse]

Hi

Hello.

Cool profile

Thank you.

How’s u?

Good. You?

I’m good top

*too

Love ur tattoos

Thanks. Any yourself?

Not yet

Wanna get some though

Then you should do.

And piercings

I see you have your ears done.

Yeah

Wanna stretch them

Nice.

Yr dick pierced?

Of course.

Fuck!

Never been with a guy with a piercing

You’ve not lived.

Wld luv to try it

        I bet.

How long you had it?

Since I was about the same age as you.

How old u now?

As it says on the profile. And you?

20

A 21st Century Boy.

Ahaha yeah

So what would you want to get pierced then?

Septum

Well I am rather partial to a young man

with a septum ring.

Lol

I might even be tempted

to do it myself.

Would b up for that

Hot.

; )

Stretch it big.

Make you a proper little pig.

Oink

Do those ears while we’re at it.

Big as yrs?

At least.

Please

Where else would u wanna pierce me?

Nipples. Definitely.

That make them more sensitive?

Oh yes.

Especially when they’re nice and heavy.

Mmm yeah

Modified for Sir’s pleasure

Good Boi. Very.

: )

I now have a semi.

Me too

We’ll get a ring through that as well.

Fuck yes!

Sir may mod me as he wishes

Sir may make me his perfect Boi

Thank you, Boi.

What else wd Sir like to do to me?

I see you’ve been

letting yourself get hairy.

Sorry Sir

I like my Bois smooth.

Ok sir

I suppose I’ll have to sort it for you.

I think you will

Might just make your ass smooth too.

Yes SIR!

Does Sir want me smooth all over?

Ever had your head

shaved by a Sir?

Never

I love to see a Boi’s hair fall to the floor.

Horny as

I love shaving a Boi until he shines.

Making him mine.

Can’t wait for Sir to get out his razor

Sir and Boi can b skinheads together

Completely

smoothed for my pleasure.

Completely owned Boi

Exactly how I wannabe

Exactly how you ARE, Boi.

Keep me this way

I have no say

Your hair is yours no longer.

Show me who’s boss

Show me my place as ur sub

Gonna shave you beautiful.

Eyebrows?

Eyebrows would be weird. Those

you can keep. And your beard.

Love the idea of tatts too

Then let’s get you tattooed.

My appearance controlled

What/where would they be?

Sir can decide for me

Somewhere public

Masters marked object

Or somewhere humiliating

?

Humiliation isn’t my thing.

K

Sorry.

It’s fine

Doesn’t have to b humiliating

Why would you want to be

humiliated anyway?

Dunno

Just a fetish

Never thought about it

Right.

Why’d u wanna shave my head?

Fair point.

But humiliation is different.

If u say so

Were you never bullied at school?

Not really

Nothing bad anyway

Maybe times HAVE changed.

Yeah

Still there?

Sir?

I was in the changing room at the swimming

pool recently. There was a group of boys in.

They were about ten or eleven, I would say.

Then one of them asks me, ‘Are you gay?’

Ok…

It’s a long time since I hid it from anyone,

so I tell him I am. And before you know it,

they’re all shouting, ‘He’s a rapist.

Don’t go near him.’

Wow

At first, I try to reason. Educate them.

‘Do you even know what that means?’

Prob not

That just makes matters worse, of course.

They start taking the piss out of my voice.

Little shits

So then I ignore them. Get dressed as

quickly

as I can. But inside I’m ten and back in the

playground, being humiliated all over

again.

And by the time I’m leaving, the boldest

of them—the one who asked the question —

is squaring up to me in the doorway,

asking again and again, ‘Are you really

gay?’

Like he can’t believe I would admit

to a thing of which I should be so

ashamed.

And I want to hit him. But I can’t. He’s ten.

By the time I get to reception to say

something I burst out crying.

I’m forty-one.

So that’s why I can’t do humiliation.

I’m sorry that happened

Still there then.

I wld’ve give them a good kick

They were just kids.

Their parents, on the other hand…

I think u gotta own it?

Own what?

Humiliation

Yeah I’m a faggot

And I like it

All that shit you wanna hurt me with?

I get off on it

So it’s cathartic?

What’s that?

Releasing repressed emotions

in order to relieve them.

Ok

Like in the theatre.

You an actor?

Not anymore.

But you were?

I’ve trodden some boards.

So fetish is like playing a part I guess

U become someone else

Something else

Okay.

I suppose they’re both a sort of ‘play’.

U know you watch porn

and the acting sometimes

It’s so bad it’s funny

U got to get into it

Suspend your disbelief?

Same with fetish

You give control to someone else

Everything’s more intense

Pain pleasure

Like u got no borders

Like ur part of each other

You should write poetry.

Fetish is just fantasy

I mean you really gonna shave me?

Possibly.

(still could btw)

Good to know, Boi.

; )

You see, I understand transformation:

that’s about enhancing, not degrading.

Stop thinking so much

bout everything

Meant to be fun

You know, Boi, I think we have things

we could teach each other.

: )

Fancy a drink?

Sure

Sir

Where?

In a bar.

Meet. Chat. Connect.

Alright

When?

Carpe diem.

?

Seize the day.

Or night, in this case.

It’s Latin.

Sir is a fountain of wisdom

Cheeky fucker.

; p

What are you doing later?

Meeting you Sir

Good Boi. Great.

You know, you’re very cute.

Thx

Sir is v handsome

By the way, what’s your name?


Nathan is a writer, director and performer based in London whose work has been funded by Arts Council England, toured with the British Council, archived in the British Film Institute, broadcast on Channel 4 and presented at venues including The Royal Court, The Royal Festival Hall and The Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Publishers of his poetry include Dead Ink and Manchester Metropolitan University. His collection, Threads, was long-listed for the Polari First Book Prize, his second collection CNUT is published by Inkandescent. In 2020, he has been long-listed for the Live Canon Poetry Competition and two of his stories have been published in Untitled: Voices.

Find him on twitter @nathanevansarts and at his website www.nathanevans.co.uk